Everyone's favorite season is here.
As soon as the leaves started to change this time, I got a horrible bout of sadness in my heart because I vividly remember so much about last fall. I said at the end of it that it was simutaneously the best and worst I could ever imagine. Rachael's situation happened, Josh broke my heart and several people in my life died. I attended a funeral on my birthday. But I also spent a great deal of time with the best friends I could ever ask for, saw some killer shows, had amazing nights that blended into days and even met the person I'd fall in love with not even three months later. Every day was something new. Every day was an adventure. And even though my heart was hurting, every day felt like there was still worth. After all, I still had it so made, and things could've been so very much worse.
That's when I realized that fall didn't have to be a metaphor for dying. Things do die in the fall, yes, but they die beautifully. I didn't have to hold on for dear life to the daylight in fear of winter; I had to prepare myself for what was going to come: cold, heartbreak and darkness but also so much potential for growth and warmth and new. It was going to happen whether or not I was ready.
So that's what I'm going to do the rest of the season. I've stopped wishing I were somewhere else and I've stopped wishing I could turn the clock back to autumn 2007 and live it again. I'm accepting the roadblocks keeping me here and appreciating the things that are unique only to Northeast PA, namely, the people. After all, if I were in Indiana, I couldn't witness my cousin Katie slyly uproot a McCain/Palin campaign sign and hide it in the woods.
It's these little pieces about everything that matter as long as you're celebrating rather than sweating. The fractions really do mean more than the sum. You just have to let them.
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1 comment:
i was wondering who took the mccain palin sign from the end of our road! lol
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